Archive for June, 2010

No Love Like Yours

The first day I met you, I thought you were fiiiinnneeeeee!!!!!!

But I didn’t think anything of it, you were taken by one of my close friends, and I had my eye on someone else to,..

The second time we met, I couldn’t keep my eyes off of you. And that’s when you told me to add you on myspace. And I did!

And so the epic journey of Nadyne and Harts begins.

With our significant others being friends, it was only a matter of time before we became close. It was matter of time when our eyes would finally meet and we realize that we were going to be there together forever.

You were always there for me. You were there when family was a problem, when high school was an issue, you were there when I wanted to just be a lazy fuck and live my life at home. You were my best friend when I needed one, you were my mentor when no one was around. You showed me I could be so much more than just a “pretty face.”

And then, everything turned around. When you needed me, and I didn’t turn my back on you. When everyone left you and me and you were the only ones left. It was this moment, that I knew I could never leave you.

We had a secret relationship, a relationship that we soon grew to cherish, and to love. A relationship that soon became more than just two people. But became much more than that, when we both had our beautiful baby Hart!

I knew I loved you, when I saw you face your fear and danced with my mother for the first time.

I knew I loved you, when you looked past all my flaws.

I knew I loved you, the first time you introduced me to your mother.

I knew it was real, the first time we were intimate with each other. When I felt the fire crackers going off with just your touch.

I knew that you would be the man that I married, when my family threatened to move away, but you never once doubted us.

I knew that the love was real when you put that ring on my finger, and promised me forever.

I knew that I could love no other, when you beat the odds and stayed with me even after the big news, I’m 19 and pregnant.

I knew you stole my heart, when we created a home together, from scratch and that no matter what, I would sleep next to you forever.

I knew that my love for you would remain the same when I saw our bundle of joy for the first time, when I saw that my little angel looked like the man that I would love eternally.

I know that no matter the struggles, obstacles, problems, wrong that we do to each other, I know that at the end of the day our love for each other will concur it all.

Because your kisses, your touch, your words, makes everything better. Your patience and understanding and wisdom is worth what we have.

I can’t imagine any other lips on mine, any other fingers intertwined between mine, any other hugs holding me, or any other eyes looking at me the way yours do.

Because though we’re flawed, you will always be the perfect man for me.

I love you with all my hart ❤

❤ Harts, Nadyne and baby Hart ❤

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“X” Marks The Spot

When you begin a treasure hunt you always start from the very beginning. You see where “X” is but you have to pass all the obstacles to get thru to reach your “X”

My “X” is a FULL blown family reunion with everyone on my father’s side!

My starting point was that facebook message on Valentine’s Day from my uncle. I don’t know when I’ll reach my destination, but I know I’m not going to give up until I finally get there.

Step 1: Introducing myself to my father                                                                                             [check]

Step 2: Getting to know his mother, my grandmother                                                                 [check]

Step 3: Meeting my half brother and sister for the 1st time                                                          [check]

Step 4: Meet all 4 of my father’s siblings                                                                             [2 out of 4]

Step 5: Meet my cousins. A total of 7 cousins                                                                       [4 out of 7]

Step 6: Bring the family together from NY                                                                                  [check]

Step 7: Meet/speak to my grandfather                                                                              [              ]

Step 8: Bring all 11 kids in THIS generation together                                                         [6 out of 11]

Step 9: Bring all generations together                                                                                    [           ]

“X”: Bring all generations and in-laws together                                                         [           ]

 

Getting to the point of where I am now, was/is not easy. Me and my brother bicker so much, me and my sister have had a little heart to heart, but me and my older sister, I definitely feel the connection that we’ve gotten closer than we have been before.

I met my uncle (not the one that contacted me via facebook) for the first time. I met his daughter, my cousin, too. It didn’t go like I imagined. Like I told you, he was considered the black sheep of the family, and I could partially see why, but I had a blast with him yesterday.

I met my younger cousin as well and his mother. He is the son of my uncle that found me on facebook. I unfortunately still don’t know this uncle, but that’s cuz he lives in Florida and I’m here in grand old New York City. But they were so cool. And my cousin loves the idea of having more cousins too.  

There have been moments that I feel I need to give up. There are times that I have to recollect my thoughts and remind myself that I have to reach “X”. There are times that I have to realize that I am not expected to play God and bring these people together and make everyone get along. There are times that I cry myself to sleep because once I open one door to the family; I realize that there were more skeletons then we realized. And how do you bury something that we have just dug up ourselves?

Maybe I am getting in over my head, because lately, I feel my body and brain just draining. I feel myself ready to give up on my “X”. But I know that I can’t. I have gotten so far to give up now.

In the past 4 months, I felt like I went from 22 to 42 in a blink of an eye, and its crazy to think that someone MY age can or should even be dealing with this. But you know what?

No one ever said getting to “X” would be easy.

Until Next Time

TTYL

Everybody Deserves a Second Chance

In the past 5 days I’ve written 2 blogs that I haven’t made public, for different reasons. 

1) Because I knew that the people I write about would read it and I didn’t want them to take it the wrong way. 

2) It just wasn’t my best work! I felt like I was forcing it more than I should have. 

So I’m going to start a mixture of both those blogs right here, right now! 

All emotions poured into one

Before I officially start, please know that I am FULLY aware of the “controversy” this will cause with my father’s side of the family, but I’m only stating things here that everyone already knows. 

When I reconnected with my father, I didn’t pay any mind to THAT family. Mainly because I didn’t know them, and I really didn’t care TO know them. But being the type of person I am, I quickly got over that, and I grew more and more curious. Turns out my father had 2 half sisters, and they were my aunts. One aunt is 26 years old, and the other one was 23 (my older sister is 23 smh -_-). Talking to my aunt on facebook and talking to THAT side of the family on facebook, really let me learn new things about everyone. 

1)  That my grandfather is a dick (as told per over 90% of that family), 

2) That both my uncles,…in lack of a better word,…really know how to pick em (this also considering I’ve never met them OR my uncles) 

3) This family is just straight up CRAZY! 

It’s a complete domino effect that this family has. They all corrupt each other in one way or another, and they all love to hate each other and hate to love each other. And reading that out loud just confirmed the insanity this family is to each other! And maybe cuz I didn’t grow up in this environment, but I think they ALL have some screws loose in the head, some looser than others, but still loose enough to need to take a vacation from the world. 

Screws in the head

Being the girl that I am, I feel like it’s up to ME to fix them! 

Growing up with my mom and sister, I knew that it was just the three of us forever. My aunt and cousin lived with us too, but my aunt moved around a lot (she’s part of the reasons we even moved to Queens) so it wasn’t FOREVER. Wherever my mom went me and my big sister went. We stayed with our grandparents, but we both knew that it was me and her forever! It was the 3 of us ’til forever. And as much as I hated my mom and sister growing up (seriously though, who DOESN’T hate every member of their family during there “high school” years), I knew that it was just my mom and 

All for one,...

my sister looking out for me, I knew that it was just the 3 of us to fend for ourselves! No one else was going to look out for us. Yeah my aunt loved us, and my grandparents cared for us, and we did anything and everything for our cousin, but it just wasn’t the same unless all three of us were together. And I guess that’s when I realized, that family is the strongest kind of bond you will EVER have.  

So when I started talking to my father and my grandmother, I started to see the “love” that they all had for each other. And I put parentheses over LOVE because; it seems that unless they need each other, there is very minimal type of affection there. Because I am who I am, and I finally understand the concept of family, I want my ENTIRE family together. I want my siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, parents, everyone…to get along! 

WTF did I get myself into? 

It seems that while I’m trying to play God with this family, the real colors are starting to come out and it’s totally clicking to me why half these people don’t get along. But don’t worry, I got this! I will make it work to the best of my ability. 

About a month ago, I invited my aunt to stay with me. Yes the one who is my sister’s age…and finally the day came, that she has arrived to my house with her two kids! And that’s when my entire life kind of just changed! When I saw her and her two kids, I literally saw my mom, my sister and myself. Two kids driving our mother insane!!!!!! And my mom biting her fist to not slap us in public (the good old days were public humiliation actually worked on kids). 

My heart dropped and kind of went out to her. Here I was sweating because I didn’t know how I was going to communicate with someone I have never met, with someone I literally knew nothing about until a few months ago, with someone whom I only had conversations on facebook and they all started and ended the same. Meanwhile she was going to be spending a whole week with my family. What the hell was I thinking? 

After the first two nights, I see how much my aunt and my cousins really need to be here. Here with me, here in New York. I start seeing how much her kids and my son love each other and all that played thru my head was watching me, my sister and cousin growing up together. Knowing that even though our cousin wasn’t our full sister, we would always treat her as she was. The oldest would come up to us, “I don’t want to play with my brother anymore” talking about my son, and my heart broke! I can’t separate these kids. I mean, what are they going to go back to in Florida. Florida is literally a place where people go to retire and live a slow pace life. Florida is a place to escape the city when you’ve had too much of it already. Florida sucks!! And New York is the place to be. 

The next thing I know, I’m in the shower pondering in my head how am I going to rebuild the family I have never met? As I was drying my hair, I looked in the mirror and saw a little bit of my father. My father told me that if he could be with me, he would make sure that all of us would be together. I know that he meant me, my brother, my two sisters and my mother! But the next thing I know, I’m grabbing my husband and telling him “I think she needs to stay in NY.” I couldn’t imagine myself sending her back, to a place where she obviously doesn’t belong! In a place where my son will never see his cousins again! I can’t do it. I refuse to take them to JFK airport and watch them leave to a life, which would do them no good, unless they stayed here in NY. 

I told my aunt, like I told you guys, that the fire was the best thing that happened to our family. It literally allowed me to start fresh and forget about everything that was ever bad. And I told my aunt, that this is an opportunity to give her kids and herself, a fresh start of life. Here in NYC! New school, new friends, new clothes, new appearance, and especially new attitudes. And I think, that even though this is a really hard change for all 3 adults, and all 3 kids, that it by far the best decision we have ever made. In the less than a week we have spent together, you already see progress! I am a strong believer that tough love is the best kind of love. And even if it means leaving everything you have ever known to better yourself and those around you, then so be it. She’s even started blogging,..and I take pride in that 🙂

I think my father would be so proud of the little progress I’m making of welcoming his family into my own! 

Until Next Time 

NH<3