Archive for May, 2011

NOTHING-NESS

When I sit down and put my life into preceptive, I wonder” HOW I am still sane. And what kills me is that thru all the BULL SHIT in my life (primarily baby daddy – since he lost the respective title of ex-husband) that I can still stand with a smile on my face.

I don’t think I’m a bitch. I think I am REAL. I will be 100% honest until my grave and that will never stop. It’s a blessing and a curse all in one because sometimes I’m TOO blunt and TOO honest. Therefore giving me the reflextion of being a bitch.

Baby daddy just told me the most fucked up news in the world, and I’m pissed. I’m not pissed at the fact that him and my aunt are together, or that he’s being an adulterous bastard and doing nasty shit on MY bed with her. No! I’m actually pissed that after spending 5 years with him, after loving him and giving him my heart, and giving him a son, that I feel nothing for him or the situation.

I am pissed that I can easily overlook all of his flaws and look at him as if he’s nothing more than a stranger to him..

I am pissed at the fact that I CANNOT shed tears for him.

I LOVED this guy and yet, I feel NOTHING. How can I possibly feel nothing? I don’t even feel sympathy for him anymore.

I can look him straight in the eyes, and see nothing, feel nothing, and see him as nothing.

I think the fact that he has turned into NOTHING to me hurts me more than his cheating and lying combined.

Being separated from him and all this NOTHINGness happening in my life has really made me open my eyes and see that my entire relationship with him was nothing but an entire manipulation on his part. Why not? He’s a professional salesman who knows how to sell bull shit to random people, so why shouldn’t he sell bull shit to every person that encounters his life. I promise, I’m probably not the only one that thinks so, I’m just the only that says to because that’s who I am.

I am honest and I’m blunt.

Bluntly speaking, I already told him all of this and he knows how I feel. I don’t think its healthy to hold in any type of emotion therefore he is ALWAYS the first to know how I feel. So for ALL THOSE PEOPLE who feel the need to tell him how I feel, save yourself the trouble.

As much as I “care” about him, I sure he feels the same way about me. If you still insist on being a bitch about it, just send him the link and save ur typing fingers for something that is worth it.

Happy Effen Mother’s Day
Until next time
Nadyne Harts

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From New York to Georgia

So where do I begin?

My trip was a.m.a.z.I.n.g.

I couldn’t of asked for a better vacation.

The day all started when I arrived at Savannah. One of my best friend’s friend came to pick me up and took me to my wife’s job. And of course, the first thing I had, was a margrita.

All the days just passed me by. Whether it was going to sleep late, or waking up exteremly early.

I visited her school and participated in some eveents. I went to the beach, which btw, NY has no comparison. I went to the pool, because out there, they ALL have pools or pool access. I went to the mall, I went downtown, I even went on the tour guide bus. I went on a boat ride and saw dolphins, I jumped off a dock and rode on a jet ski. I was forced to swim, when out in NY, we don’t really swim. I was cheuffeured around by my best friend and her friends, because out in Savannah, there is no such thing as walking.

I made some really cool friends out in Georgia. It was definitely something different. But if travelling on my own has taught me one thing, I need to be more independent and more selfish for my own personal goals.

I can ramble on and on about how my life in GA was, but truthfully, I don’t remember every detail. Which can be a good thing, or a bad thing depending on who you ask. While out in GA I kept in contact with my son, and stressing how much I missed him but I knew he was in good hands when he was with my mother.

I left this morning wondering how I would feel like leaving GA. Leaving my best friend yet AGAIN, and I know ill be just fine. I know that when me and my wife get together, there is no stopping us. We become one person but living separate lives. I know that no matter how much distance there is between us, she will always be my sister forever more. And I’m happy to see that she has done so well for herself out on her own without me. But now its my turn to be on my own for the first time in a long time. Just me and my baby.

I am on the train right now, as I type this, entering Charleston, South Carolina, and I am anxious to start my life again.

One of the things I have to share though, is my frustration with the South. Do you have any idea how “popular” being from New York made me? It was definietly a conversation starter. Besides my best friend though, I only met one person from NYC. People would be either fascinated or turned off by a “Yankee.” I went to Chili’s out there and the hostess said “oh I’m from NY too. From the hamptons”
Seriously? Bitch please. I am from New York Fucking City. NYS doesn’t count, because in upstate, or the tri-state area, you don’t get the city life like you do. But other people would annoy me because they would ask me how I can live in such a noisy city. Because according to when they visited “NY” they would talk about the crowds and traffic and busy streets. Uhmm dumass…you went to Manhattan. I don’t live in Manhattan. I live was born in Brooklyn but currently reside in Queens. The 5 boros are wayyy different than what Manhattan has to provide. I explained it in the sense, that just like Georgia wasn’t only Atlanta, New York wasn’t only Manhattan. I guess that got thru to them.

Oh another complaint about the differences, the food over there is friggen expensive as shit. Ok, so I’m a mom. I can’t really afford to go have fast food 3 times a day 7 days a week. So what I do, is stock up on food at the grocery market and make myself something to eat. I could go to the grocery store and buy 2 weeks supply of groceries for under $200. I’m actually a veggie freak. In New York I have ripe avacado for 50cents a lb. I have 5/$1 lemons or limes. I have 3/$1 cucumbers. I could go on and on about the grocery list, because frankly, I do it a lot back home. The first couple of nights my best friend was taking me out to eat and I told her my body couldn’t handle so much fast food, that I preferred to buy some stuff. I went to Walmart (we don’t have those in NYC) and went to the veggie/fruits isle, and I wanted to turn right back around. It was so expensive. Later during my trip I realized why. All these people have land down south and they’re able to grow their own food unlike in NY where the closest thing to growing anything is well…uhmm yeah you get the point.

Wow! Look how long I’ve been rambling about NY and SAV. I still have about 13 more hours before I enter NEW YORK MOTHERFUCKING CITY, (LOL) ill post a new blog if anything pops into my head.

Until I reach NY,
TTYL
N

Not That Type of Girl

“I didn’t fall for you. You tripped me, I said ‘What The Fuck?’ And kept on walking.”

My best friends always come to be for boyfriend advice because they know that I am 100% honest. And the advice I give out, is something that I follow as well.

I am not the type of girl that stresses a guy.

I am not the type of girl that waits for the guy to make the first move.

I am not the type of girl that waits on text messages.

I am not the type of girl that falls head over heels for a guy just because he shows some interest in me.

I am not the type of girl that gets butterflies in my stomach because of the way he looks at me or kisses me.

I am not the type of girl that falls easily in love.

I am not the type of girl that would sit and fight for a guy.

I am not the type of girl that sleeps around just because.

I am the girl that realizes my worth, and when I want something, I go for it.

A lot of stupid shit has been going on in my life, and when I tell people, they are surprised at my reaction.

Ill give a perfect example. And baby daddy would probably get on my ass about it…..but I’m not the type of girl to give a fuck about what he says

So my husband is currently, and exclusively dating my aunt. Yes! The aunt that I took into my home from Florida. (Family love,…I know)

Automatically people wonder why I haven’t fucked them both up for being disrespectful blah blah blah.

Truth is, I don’t care. I’m not going to go to her and fight saying that she has my left overs, or to him. I don’t care about them in that sense. And I know if I showed that to them then I would be just as bad as them.

Now I write this blog, not for them, but because I need people to understand, that in my life, I will be selfish based on me.

I am not the type of person that waits for results to hit her. My husband doesn’t want to be with me, I’m not going to fight for his affection. But I will look for who is worthy of my love instead of waiting for it to come to me.

I am not the type of person that let’s others live for me. I have my son to think about. I cannot expect to live my life as if I’m in high school. What type of role model would I be to my child?

I am not the type of person to be fake. So the next person to experience the real me, inside and out, will be the next person to be worthy of my love.

Until Next Time
NH