Archive for January, 2012

Tattoo Your Name On Me

I don’t know what it is about me and having a tendacy of over-analyzing a situation, but its what makes me me.

When I got married 4 years ago, I was hesistant to take Harts name, because I didn’t want to be known as ‘his’ but as my own person. Relunctaly, I took his last name either way. I knew it would offend my newlywed husband if I still kept my name, so to make him happy, I took his name. My best friend still lived in New York at the time of this, she was there at the wedding etc.

One day, my best friend came over to my house, and said she wanted to get her tattoo. I didn’t even know she had a tattoo in the first place that she wanted to get another one (we had a falling out for about a year). As to not feel left out, I decided I would join her in getting a tattoo. I decided that this tattoo would be for my then husband, and I would tat his last name on my back. This was my way of showing him I was commited.

They say once you get a tattoo, you’re addicted to it and want to get another one. Within 3 months I got 3 tattoos. I added on to my husband’s name because it was really boring, just sitting on my back all alone, so I decided to add the pisces symbol around it. I loved my tattoos for a long time. Once things started not looking up in my relationship, I wanted to cover up my tattoo. I knew that I would eventually change my name, and I needed this to change ASAP. Granted, it is my son’s name, but I already have a tattoo dedicated to my son, there was no justifying my husband’s last name anymore, especially when I don’t even like the name.

I went with a friend to a tattoo parlor to price check and check out artist, and I showed her my tattoo and if there was a way to cover up this tattoo and how much it would cost me. I thought I was going to have to cover up the name and the pisces, and for months I had been looking for tattoos to cover it up. Every tattoo I liked, was huge or just not a style I would want on me forever. And finally this artist explained to me, that she could cover up his name and keep the pisces symbol and if anything make them pop a little more. I jumped with excitment, because things were finally looking up, I no longer had to have my ex-husband’s name on me.

At work, I wear a suit. For a while I bought my own suit which was fitted for my liking, until I finally got my uniform. The shirt was shorter than I anticipated, and the pants longer. With my suit, no one even knew I had tattoos. I have one on the back of my neck, and I have my pisces’ tat on my lower back (not a tramp stamp though). Whenever I would bend down, suddenly, my lower back tattoo would be exposed, and people would read HIS name outloud. It would frustrate me, because, here I am moving forward with my life, and this tattoo was holding me prisoner to my past life. While I don’t regret the moments between me and Harts, I don’t want to be reminded of it, when he’s not a part of my life anymore.

I figured, I needed a change. No more shit talking! This tattoo had to come off one way or another.

And so, I went to the tattoo parlor, and I decided, it was now or never. I needed to make SOME changes in my life. This could only bring good things in life to me. Even if it just means covering up a tattoo.

I did it.

I finally got that tattoo covered up.

It may not mean much to everyone, but to me, I’m finally moving forward, especially when I felt so stuck.

My first tattoo fo the New Year, means, me finally moving on from the last 4 yeas of my life.

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Changes to Changing

For half of my life I have had the same best friend. We met when we were 12 years old, and this year we’re both turning 24, so yeah, half our lives, we’ve been together. This is the same best friend that lives in Georgia.

Granted we live miles and miles away from each other, me and her always remember our roots. We each remember that we made each other, and that we both love each other no matter what our zip code is. At least twice a year she comes to visit us back here in New York. For those few days that she’s here, she’s mine. All my free time is dedicated to her and vice versa. We spend all of our times with each other’s family, well you get the point.

Every time we’re together, we always go out drinking, dancing, smoking etc. Whenever we’re together it’s like no time has ever gone by. We still love each other the same, and we treat each other the same. True love never disappears, and with her? that’s all we have, true love.

I guess I never really sat down and realized how much time has passed between us. When we’re together, we still act like we’re in middle school, we always bring up high school memories, and we are always loud little spanish girls that use to gossip about nothing but the boys in our lives.

This week we’re hanging out, and on this particular night, we went out with a friend from our old high school, so of course, we’re mentioning all the ‘good times’ and we’re walking down memory lane, and it brings me back to the great times, when we had nothing to worry about except going to school and making friends. This particular night, we were hanging out, and the scenario was the same as always, me and her, feeling a little nice, and at that moment, it’s when I realized that me and her are two completely different people. She’s the girl who always has to have an answer and plan for everything. I’m the type of girl that doesn’t mind living the crazy, spontaneous life. She worry a lot about what others are going to think, and she also thinks about the consequences of everything. As opposed to me? I live for no one but me and my son, and quite frankly, everyone else’s opinions about me are completely irrelevant to where I stand in my life. Even her relationship with her family is way different from my relationship. I guess I kind of envy that, but then again, me and her are in two different places in our lives.

And it makes me wonder, how me and her are such great friends when the only thing we truly have in common is the fact that we went to the same ‘primary’ educational schools. But then because of how different we both are from each other, it allows us to be that much more alike and allows us to love each other so much more. It gives us room to be ourselves and understand others as well. This girl is forever my best friend, and forever my sister.

I’m not good with change. I’m not good at not understanding what’s going on, and being with my best friend this week, it really has shown me that no matter what, we’re both going to change in our own way. It’s up to us to keep some things the same. Sometimes change can be a good thing, it’s all a matter of how we decide to execute it to really matter.