Archive for February, 2012

The Help!

Today I wad asked, between the top nominee of movies of the year, which movie would reference your life?

There were a few movie titles, but I haven’t watched them all, some I did, but not all. And the movie I choose was “The Help”

The Help was based on the era were slavery was enforced. Where the only job a colored person found wad to be a maid. They would barely get paid the minimum and they were expected to do everything with no questions. This was also during the era where a female who wanted a career instead of a husband was thought of as weird. In this story, a white  woman, wanted to be a journalist but she wanted to write about something meaningful, something memorable. She finally got the opportunity when she decided that she wanted to write a book about life “in the life of the maid.” During this time, this was considered a big scandal, because blacks weren’t allowed to have opinions, let alone speak to a white person out of term, especially about other white folks.

At the end of the movie, this book became a best seller, because you finally got to understand what the other side went through. You were able to see that not everything was as black and white as people made it to seem, but it was in fact, a community of people with secrets. As a viewer, you learn to sympathsize with the characters and you remember to put your life in their shoes. You realize that not everything is as simple as it seems, but that it is much more complicated than that.

Yes I write, but if given the opportunity to tell my entire story without the worry of censoring because of my audience, I think a lot more people would understand my life more instead of being soquick to judge. I expressed in one of my previous blogs, that the girl I was when I was 16 has disappeared. That’s not the girl I am anymore, but because that is all people knew me as, that’s all they choose to believe I am. I think if a random white woman decided to write a story about the single mom with a fucked up past, and they see the woman that I have transformed into noe, not that people would sympathsize but people would finally get to understand me. They would finally understand the choices I make and the logic behind them. Granted some may not agree with them, but at least they will understand as opposed to being turfiest to judge me.

I know one of the things I always get judged on is my parenting skills. I know people doubt my ability to be a parent but you know what? Nobody is perfect, and at least I’m trying. I try to be their for my son all the tine, and to show him the right way. I try to teach my son right from wrong, and I also try to be a good role model, somebody that he can look up to and not be embarrassed to call his mother. I know I’m not perfect, but I try to pretend to be for his sake. If there was a book written about me, hopefully people would understand why i make the decisions I do, because my son always confess first, even though it may not stern like it to the naked eye, but he does!



I’m in this world where nothing can go wrong, but nothing can go right.

Where nothing seems to make sense, but everything makes sense at the same time.


I turn the corner and I’m lost, but i’m exactly where I’m meant to be.


It is night time and I lay awake looking into the dark wintery night hoping we’re both looking at the same star. Imagine if we were? What would he be trying to tell me?

The sun comes and goes and my heart feels sore because it seems I can’t get him off my mind, and I look at my phone waiting for his text. And just as I wanted, there it was. “I miss you babe.” And just like a teenage school girl talking to her high school crush, my face turns a bright pink, not quite there, but almost! And almost naturally, I reply “I wanna Skpe with you.”

Upon sending that last text, I realized how ridicolous I must’ve sounded. I mean, who webcams anymore? The last time I even heard of someone using webcam to chat, was during my high school years. I guess it fit the situation, because I think of me and him, I think of a love struck high school teenage girl. He laughed at me and said one of his normal witty remarks, overall asking me why. One thing I love about our conversations is my ability to be honest with him, “because I miss you, and I want to be with you right now and since I don’t have facetime, skpe is the next best thing to having you right next to me.”

And he agreed!

I didn’t think he would go for it, but he did. I started scurrying looking for my laptop and my charger, only God knows how long it’s been since I’ve even used my laptop. I turned on my laptop and tried to sign onto Skpe, and of course I forgot my password. I cannot believe I was actually going through with this. Part of me was only joking, but since he agreed, might as well follow through before he changed his mind. I don’t really need to Skpe with him, I talk to him all the time whether by text or calling each other.

We both finally log on and I see him and my heart starts skipping beats. I see him all the time, yet here I was excited to see him on a day I wasn’t meant to. The sound of his voice bought chills to me and I was happy. I had been happy all day, but this just made my day even better. We were both getting ready for bed, and it felt nice seeing his face while listening to his voice.

After about an hour into our conversation, we both agreed it was nice to see each other in our home settings, but at the same time, it was horrible. It felt as if he was so close yet so far away. I see him laying down on a bed where I’m always laying down with him. I see him laying down and it makes me miss laying down on his chest listening to his heart beat and falling asleep to his rhymic breathing, it makes me want to cuddle up to his embrace even more. Ok! So maybe Skpe wasn’t a good idea. Maybe just his voice would’ve been enough. But it’s too late to turn back now, I’ve already invested an hour of having him in my prescence that I didn’t want to lose him now. It seems like he was reading my mind, because he said the same thing I was thinking, seeing me made him miss me even more because he couldn’t hold me as badly as I wanted him to hold me. And we started a new topic of conversation!

Imagine how military people must feel?

I get to see this man, basically whenever I want to. He is literally only a text or phone call away from me. I had just seen him the day before and I’d probably get to see him the next day too, and here I was missing him like crazy. The army wives and army husbands who rarewly get the opportunity to see their significant others, must go insane! The few minutes they spend on skype, to hear their voices and to miss their embrace. and not to be sure when they get to have it all in real life again, mist be exteremly hard on the,. I had all night to talk to him and to miss him, but they go through this all the time. The goodbyes must be the worst for them. Every night I say goodnight, knowing I’m going to talk to him tomorrow, knowing that eventually I’m going to see him, and even on this particular random night that we sponteously decided to skype, I couldn’t bare to say goodbye to this man. And it made me sad.

Imagine how awful these army wives and husbands must feel. They tryt to put a brave front as to not make their signigicant others sad, but they second they log off, the tears start emerging from their eyes.

I could never imagine that feeling