Archive for June, 2011

Mother Knows Best

So I watch my son, my beautiful handsome son, grow up and I get scared.

Moms are not supposed to admit that they’re human and they have fears in their lives, especially when it comes down to their own personal children. Moms should always know best and always be on top of everything. But the more my son grows and gets bigger and becomes smarter beyond belief, the more frighten I become.

I talk to my non-parental friends, and they talk about how screw up there childhood were, the gangs, the violence, the sex that was surrounding them 24/7, I talk to my father and he talks to me about the many deaths of his friends that he has seen, and I thank my mom because I have been so conseravative and naive to all the violence in NYC. I talk to parents of kids who are already adults, and see the difference in the generations, and it scares the shit out of me.

I can try my best to raise my son right, but when he goes to school he’ll be surrounded by all his friends. I can guide him to make the right decisions, pick the right friends, but I can only do so much. My mom was involved in my life and even than I made some wrong turns, and I get scared that I won’t be the best mom. I’m scared that sometimes I’m too much of a push-over and let my son get away with things that he shouldn’t. Or that I’m overly punishing my son for something petty. Shouldn’t my son be active and into sports by now? I’m not sports oriented, you should be so lucky to see me throw a ball let alone catch it. I remember my mom trying to do sports with us, but we weren’t really into it. I can’t let my son grow up to not be a manly man. How is my son gonna grow a pair if mommy’s always behind him. But than I feel if I’m not watching his every move, something bad is going to happen.

I have to be realistic with myself, I never thought that I would raise my son by myself. I always thought I would have help whenever I doubted myself as a mother. I know my son loves me. I know he looks up to me, but what’s the limit between disciplinary to friend? I always thought that I would never have to worry about the “guy” issues because the male figures in his life would handle it, but right now? His male figures are me, myself and I. What a great male role model ill be, I don’t even like kicking the ball because I have no aim. What types of talk am I supposed to have with my teenage son when he discovers all his male parts and male feelings?

I know I’m a good mom, but I’m scared that I won’t be the best mom in the world. its scary writing this blog because mom always knows best. Mom has your best interest in heart, but mom never doubts herself. All this doubt is coming in my heart because its just me and him. Just mommy and baby forever. Just the two of us. No child wants to hear there mom doubting themselves.

I know that the teenage boy is a long way to come, but I can’t help thinking about it, especially when I see society teenage boys acting more rude and ignorant than ever.

Until Next Time


Monogamy, Overrated?

HIM – Me & my girl keep fighting cuz she don’t trust me
HER- Does she have a reason not to trust you?
HIM- No. I’ve never cheated on her.
HER- You’re here with me, so what are you intended to do?
HIM- All this accusations makes me want to do what she’s accussing me of. So at least we have a reason to fight.

Are there anymore real men out there? Everyone trys to find the man they wanna be with. They try to find the girl of their dreams. But when you finally get them, then what? You’re gonna use them to get rid of that lonely and empty feeling you have at night, while during the day, you’re acting like someone trying to look for their soulmate.

When did finding someone who was willing to be in a monogamus relationship, become so difficult?

There is this one guy, who seems to fit the “perfect man” description, but he’s married. Or has 2 different baby’s moms. Or has a long time girlfriend. Its true what they say, if he’s cheating WITH you, chances are he’s going to cheat ON you.

Girls and guys need to stop complaining that everyone is the same, and learn to trust each other.

A little quote before I finish this blog, and I hope people take into consideration that u can’t find the perfect spouse, until your own mentality changes on to what you deserve, not what you want.

“A real relationship has fights, has trust, has faith, has tears, has hope, has sweet smiles, has laughter, has weird, stupid unnecessary arguments, has patience, has communication, has secrets, has jealously, but most of all has love.”

Your Welcome

I figured that with all the life changing events happening in my life, I should be polite. I’m not gonna thank anybody, but for all those that feel the need to blame someone and I just happen to be that somebody,…. YOUR WELCOME.

The weekend of March 15th, 2005 I learned a lot about myself and the person I could be and the person I want to be. And one thing I learned, is to accept responsibilty for my actions. A lot of fucked up shit has happened in my life, as most of you know, but not once did I ever blame anyone else. Shit happens for a reason and at times when I’ve wanted to feel sorry for myself, I never did.

If others want to blame me for all the fucked up shit in there life? Than by all means.

You say “thank you for being a bitch.”
“Thank you for ruining my life.”
“Thank you for turning your back on me.”
“Thank you for being verbally abusive.”
“Thank you for talking about me behind my back.”
“Thank you for showing me the ‘real’ NY attitude.”

You know what?

Your fucken WELCOME.

Man the fuck up, and take responsibility for your own shit. But if you looking to blame someone, than go right the fuck ahead, cuz at the end of the day, I care about you and your life as much as you care about mine.

But all joking aside, your welcome. Because if it wasn’t for the hardship and bullying that you feel I gave you, you would have never grown up. So I applaud you for finally coming to your senses and realizing you are an adult.

So to end this blog on a happy note…

Thank you for thinking I think so highly of you. And your welcome for all the bad shit your blaming me for. I’m glad you’re happy.

Until Next Time

NH =)