I’ve always considered myself lucky to have never dealt with a loss in my family or close circle of friends. Every time one of my friends deals with one of these hardships, I truly don’t know how to handle it. Do I console them? Tell them that their lost one is in a better place?
I really don’t know if they ARE in a better place. I can’t possibly understand what my friend is going thru, I’ve never lost someone who meant so much to me that my world would just stop spinning without them here.
Yesterday, I was spending some time with my mother and the 3 kids. And it was a pretty cool time together. There were 3 minutes of my day that I felt were all to me. My son looked at me and hugged me, and I just remember holding him so tight and I promised that I would protect his feelings no matter what.
Here I am, the entire time of my adult life, thinking that I’ve never experienced the feeling of loss. And as I was looking up in the clouds, I felt somebody wave at me, and then I realized at this point, that I AM missing somebody so much.
Back in the day, my mom befriended a guy. He was an awesome guy. He later grew to become a part of OUR family. He became my sister’s God-Father. He was their for us whenever we needed him, and he helped us out whenever he saw it. He spoiled us rotten as much as he could, especially since he didn’t have kids of his own. Every Christmas/birthday he never forgot about us, and we made sure my mom bought him the latest Elmo doll (the last one we got him was “tickle-me-Elmo).
And then one day we saw him in the hospital. He had lost so much weight. At this point we had just moved to queens and we barely saw him, but we always made an effort to. And I was sooo surprised to see this fragile man before me. He promised that he would come see us, as long as a bus stopped by our house. He was to weak to walk by himself, and was bounded to a wheelchair. But even pasted the skinny man, past the wounded man, we joked around as if nothing was wrong. We started playing around and he pretended like nothing was wrong with him. When we spoke to my mom about it, she told us he was in a lot of pain. I don’t ever remember her saying that he was going to die. I think it was one of those things that we already knew was going to happen.
I remember me and my sister going to our youth group, and it was a primarily spanish speaking youth group, and I remember hearing “ayer por la noche nuestro querido amigo ha fallecido” I had no clue what they were talking. “Fallecido?” What does that mean? And then I heard, “él está en el cielo con papa Dios.” At that point, I put it all together. My sister’s God-father has died and gone to heaven. I looked at my sister and asked her “He died.” And from there we were in tears holding each other. We were crying so much, to the point that we couldn’t breathe. I didn’t even get to say goodbye to him.
But I guess that as time went, our wounds healed it. And I guess it happened at a good time in our lives because we were so young that we were able to move past it faster then most. But then there are those moments that I would see an Elmo and wish that he was still with us. There are times when I would walk along 5th ave in Sunset, and remember him.
I would see his old apartment building from the train station, and without realizing it, I DID lose someone special in my life. And I hate that we were to far away from him to pay closer attention to him.
But I think it worked out in the end. Because I
never got to see that weak man, and the only memories I have of him are positive memories. I loved him so much, he was an awesome man, and I know that as his birthday comes around the corner, that he is looking down on me and my sister and he is extremely happy at the lives we have created for oursel
ves. I know he’ll be happy to see that we have both become wives and we have started our own family. But even more, I know that he would be extremely proud of our faith and positive attitude that we have to our surroundings.
I miss you RG. May you continue to REST IN PEACE. Know that I will NEVER forget you. I love you.
Have you ever lost someone? How do YOU remember them?
Until Next Time