Posts tagged ‘family’

Nadyne Harts No More

I haven’t written in a long ass time. There have been many reasons for it. The main reason was because I didn’t want people in my life anymore. I was tired of people reading my blogs hoping to get some sort of information out of it, that eventually I just gave up.

Almost 2 years later, my life has changed so much. My son is 4 years old and is starting prek which is crazy. I don’t feel old enough to have a kid going to school. He went to day care, head start, but those were programs preparing him for school, and now here he is, my big boy, starting school in a few days. The funny thing is that I look at him, and see the boy i used to carry, the boy who needed me for everything. I reflect on the last 4 years of my life, and wish i had him back then, with the knowledge and wisdom that i have now. But either way, my son is amazing. He is the true love of my life and no one can replace that love for him. I just can’t believe he’s getting so big.

2 years ago, i remember writing my blog about my older sister giving birth to my niece. We just celebrated her birthday and its crazy how big she is. Its crazy how much time has passed since she was in my sister’s belly. Whenever she sees me, she runs up to me and waves, hi Tia, she’ll tell me. I ask for a kiss and she gives me her forehead, as if this is the designated area permitted for kisses.

Oh and seeing her and my son together? Absolutely magical. We’ve been going to alot of family events where my other cousins see the two of them together. My niece? She’s a fiesty one. She’s always beating up on the other kids. Its cute! It actually makes me smile because our kids are so much like us that all of us have been going down memory lane. Retelling the stories that we had when we were kids. The fights we got into. The memories we shared, especially of us in El Salvador.

I can truly sit here writing this, and tell you, that the last 2 years of my life have truly been the journey.

I feel the turning point for me is always when i met my father’s side of the family. I’ve gotten closer to my own family, closer to my dad and brother. I’ve made new friends and reconnected with old ones. I’ve rediscovered myself in ways that should’ve happened before i turned 21.

My life has not been perfect, i do not lead a perfect life, but the people in my life have made me believe i lead a perfect life.

Getting closer to my family is something i definitely have to give my boyfriend credit to. Yes, in the last 2 years i have found a boyfriend who i am completely and utterly in love with. Being with him puts some justifications in my life, because i see things now that i didn’t see before. I have been with him for over a year now, and they always say the first year is the hardest right? We have been up and down with each other, but even being down, i know we can always bring ourselves up again. He’s an amazing role model for my son. My son adores, respects, admires and loves him like he would his own father. And I have learned to accept another man in my life. I have learned the true meaning of love, the true meaning of being IN love.

Me & my son’s father? He isn’t even worth a paragraph in my life, but he’s there. On my own terms,i have always promised myself that i would make the effort to allow my son to have a father figure in his life. I am fortunate enough that he currently has two male figures who both love him. But my son’s father is not my first choice. It goes back to what i said earlier, about me wishing that i had my son with the knowledge that i have now. Had i known his father was going to turn out to be nothing of importance in anyone’s life including his own, than i wouldn’t of wasted my time. But just like everyone else he’s ever encountered, he manipulated me into believing he was better than all the rest. Do i love him? Do i ever think about me and him being together again? Does that possibly exist? Did i ever really love him? The answer to all of the above is not a positive answer. After being with my boyfriend now, after having had dated a little bit after my break up, i cannot sit here and tell you i was ever in love. There is no way in hell, what i felt, what we had, was love. Maybe my son will read this one day and be mad at me for never having loved his father, for not giving his father any form of respect or compassion, but truthfully? At 4 years old, my son knows and understand why me and his father don’t get along. We put up no form of a front, we say the few words we need to and move on with our day.

Let the record be stated, i have no regrets in life, my only regret is not being true to myself and losing out on some of the best friends i could’ve ever had. My only regret was living with a man THAT disgusting and especially for introducing him to my friends and family.and for those that he hurt, i apologize for not knowing better. For those he screwed over, I’m sorry i didn’t stop it and encouraged it. I really am!

I am so embarrassed by his actions that i refuse to acknowledge his name. I want to tell you all something you didn’t know about Harts Ortiz, and maybe its not a big deal for you but it is for me. MY son is not named after him. HE named himself that shortly after MY son was born. He always told people it was the other way around, but those that know me, know i would have never agreed to my son being named after anyone. Just in case you haven’t noticed, I don’t carry the name Harts for him, i do it for my son because i have never been prouder of him. And i just want the world to know that Harts Ortiz, even with his name and the origin of it, is a liar. Test my theory, ask him yourself. Ask him what his name was before Harts, i have 2 names that i remember, and no deadbeat or assface is not one of those.

But God doesn’t give you something you can’t handle right? He put that man in my life so i know how to appreciate and love in the future. I know that i want my son to be nothing like him, therefore making my job extra hard to act like mom and dad, but for my son? Its worth it. I know what i want in my man, and my man now, is more than i could have ever asked for. I never knew love felt this way. I hope that when I’m reading this again in 20 years, he would be by my side laughing with me and holding me in that way he does that hypnotizes me against the world. I learned the true value of having friends and family. I never realized how alone i was before. How me against the world i was. I was 22, why did I think the world was against me? Everything happens for a reason, one day we all find out what it was for.

5 years ago i was pregnant and i am just now starting to unravel the map called my life. Everything is slowly but surely falling into place, and i pray that i continue to find the meaning. I understand now that my bitterness was a way to keep myself closed off. I was on a relationship when i was 17 years old. I knew nothing about life about love. He never allowed me the chance to grow into my own woman, and now that i am, I’m loving and appreciating life more.

Until Next Time,

Hopefully not too soon but not to far away
Vanesa

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No Differences

Ugghhhh!!!!

Ok, so maybe because my period is supposed to be coming tomorrow, or maybe because I’m finding a reason to be angry! I don’t know what the fuck the reason is, but my son’s father really aggravates the crap out of me.

The truth is I know him too well and it messes with my head. And it may not be a fair advantage to him. Or vice-versa.

Yesterday me and him got into an argument over random bullshit. Since me and him are going to be a part of each other’s life for AT LEAST the next 15 years, me and him are trying to figure out ways to talk to each other, without driving each other insane, but it doesn’t seem to be working out that way.

We have been together for 5 years and separate for 3 months, so in the 5 years that we were together, we have both found the loop holes to piss each other off. We both know how we both handle our anger, we both know how we choose to cool off. We both know each other better than we know ourselves sometimes.

And that’s what makes it so hard to like him sometimes.

It’s my fault though.

My entire adult life, I was with one person, and I grew comfortable to one person. I grew to be like him, I grew to know the ins and outs of him. I knew all his bad habits, I knew how he lied, and when he lied, and even more, when he would choose to lie. I know how he sleeps and gets out of the bed every morning. I know EVERYTHING about this guy. And that has its disadvantages.

Since we have been separated, I have taken the time to reflect on myself. To think about why my marriage has failed. I’m sure that he’s been doing the same thing too. And I know that I have changed myself to better myself as a person. I have taken a look at myself and realized, if my husband can’t stand me than I need to see what I can do to change. And while it has only been 3 months, I feel the change. But then when it comes to him again, the old me comes out and I feel the flames coming out of my ears.

So it has me thinking, I know I’ve changed, and even the people around me have seen the change, but to my husband, I will always be that same person. He’s not giving me the benefit of the doubt that these 3 months have made a difference.

Every time an argument starts it always starts with “But I KNOW you,…”

Maybe I don’t know him anymore. Maybe he’s a different person as well. I know he’s been going thru a lot of shit and I know that he needs my support, and I know that it brings the both of us stress that we can’t be there for each other. I just don’t know how to let go of the person that I used  to know and open up to the person that is supposed to be standing in front of me.

I don’t know how to let go of the bitch in me when I’m in front of him, as I’m sure he doesn’t know how to let go of the wall of defenses, when he’s in front of me.

Sometimes, I hate that the only thing I have is my blog to vent to. I love my friends, but talking to them is the worst. Because they always side with me. They always tell me that he’s an asshole, that he’s a jerk etc. No! Sometimes I just want someone to tell me that everything is going to be alright. Sometimes I need a true friend to understand that I’m wrong too; not just him.

Until Next Time

NH<3

*Don’t forget to follow me on twitter & facebook

Giving In Doesn’t Mean Giving Up

I realized why I HAVEN’T been depressed!

I have suffered thru depression in the past, and I never knew how to deal with it. I used to sleep and cry my days away. I used to suffer from bulimia AND anorexia thru out the year, and when I was depressed more so. I was looking at my old pictures, and my weight fluctuated depending on my happiness or not! And I finally understand why.

Its taken me up until now to realize that the cure to any type of disease is moral support.

I’ve been doing just fine in the thought of me and Harts breaking up. I’ve been doing great at the thought of being a single mom. I’ve even been doing ok in the dating scene. For anyone else it would not be normal to be OK! But for me it is. And I know why.

Last week, I was feeling kind of emo. Kinda leave me the fuck alone, everything is bothering me, don’t fuck with me unless you wanna get castrated type of mood. And I was wondering why it was taking me so long to finally show any type of emotion of how I was really feeling.

It all started with this awesome date that I went on. Everything was perfect. He picked me up at my house, took me to this beautiful restaurant, we went to play pool, and like a gentleman, he took me home. Everything was just perfect, but I still found myself thinking about my ex.

No matter how perfect this date (not the guy) was, no one could ever replace my estranged husband. And then I shut down! Everything in me just turned off from everything and everyone that came in my way. And I stayed like this for a few days, because the depression was really killing me.
What got me thru it? My AWESOME friend. I call him my cuddle buddy because he has the best hugs to give me, and his hugs always make me feel better. He talked me thru everything I was feeling, and I finally broke down in tears to someone other than my pillow in the privacy of my home. I poured my heart out and it made me feel way better. It made me realize that I am not perfect and that I am allowed to feel down.

And that’s when I realized, I am the LUCKIEST girl in the world.

I started bitching to my mom @ the beginning of my separation, telling her I was going to move out on my own as soon as I saved up enough money. Now? I plan on staying with my mom forever. (exaggerating but you get the point)

I realized that I am not strong enough right now to be by myself. I need the support of my family, I need the love and affection of my friends. I need someone to keep me mellow and level headed when I’m with my son. My son has seen me cry too much over Harts, and I refuse to have my 2 year old be my therapist.

I admit it, I have faults. I am NOT strong. I have my “FTW” moments. I could not do this on my own.

Me and my family have the funniest relationship. We get on each others nerves, and we never threaten each other. If we threaten each other with anything, we usually follow thru with it.

Me and my family HAVE our ups and downs, but I know that no matter what, they will always be there for me. My mom has told me for the first time that she is proud of the strong woman who I have become, but if it wasn’t for her, I most definitely would not be. She raised two girls, 15 months apart in age, by herself. I got one boy with a whole support system (consisting of my aunt, uncle, cousin, sister, mom, grandparents AND in-laws). If she can do it,…..I’ll be just fine!

Until Next Time

NH<3

*Don’t forget to follow me on twitter & facebook

PS: I never dated that guy again. I’m not ready for the dating scene. I’m trying too hard to forget the last 5 years of happiness with Harts. I realized now that I have enough patience to wait it out. When the perfect guy comes around, I’ll know, but for right now, baby Hart is the only man with the key to my heart.

Family Portrait

“Momma please stop cryin, I can’t stand the sound
Your pain is painful and its tearin’ me down
I hear glasses breakin as I sit up in my bed
I told dad you didn’t mean those nasty things you
said”

A song I grew up loving. I felt some sort of connection. I always pictured this is how life was before my dad left my family. Of course I was too young to realize it. Little did I know that this song would be about me one day and that my son would be dedicating the song to me. Well not so much in those words, but just keep reading and you’ll see.

“You fight about money, bout me and my brother
And this I come home to, this is my shelter
It ain’t easy growin up in World War III
Never knowin what love could be, you’ll see
I don’t want love to destroy me like it has done
my family ”

It seems that whatever “perfect image” me and my husband have portrayed to the world, is finally coming down to bite us in the butt. Lately it seems that we fight about everything, everyone, and every aspect inbetween it all. I’m too bitchy for his taste, he’s too careless for mine. Its the same argument day in and day out. The glue holding us together?? Our son.

“Can we work it out? Can we be a family?
I promise I’ll be better, Mommy I’ll do anything
Can we work it out? Can we be a family?
I promise I’ll be better, Daddy please don’t
leave “

We try, on a daily basis to work it out. To talk, to figure this out. But everyday with the same arguments, the same resolutions come. We would “try” to work it out. Come tomorrow, our “trying” went right out the window and we would “try” again. Just to repeat the same pattern over and over again.

“Daddy please stop yellin, I can’t stand the sound
Make mama stop cryin, cuz I need you around
My mama she loves you, no matter what she says
its true
I know that she hurts you, but remember I love
you, too “

My husband and I have always been a good team. We always “worked thing out.” We always communicated. We never went to sleep angry. Everything was as perfect as you can expect us to be. Of course we always had our issues, but we always managed. This last time just seemed to be the icing on the cake. I fucked up bad! And it seems like there is no room for repairment. But we’re “trying.”

I went karaoke for my cousin’s birthday, and we sang “Family Portrait” and I teared a little, because I was picturing my son singing this song to me the way I often sang it to my father. I could never forgive myself for my son seeing us always fighting. We need to figure something out before it’s too late.

“I ran away today, ran from the noise, ran away Don’t wanna go back to that place, but don’t have
no choice, no way
It ain’t easy growin up in World War III
Never knowin what love could be, well I’ve seen
I don’t want love to destroy me like it did my family”

I remember when I ran away from home. I was 15 years old, and I hated the world. It was me against the world. My mother favored my sister, my aunt favored her daughter, my grandparents favored my cousin, I was the “bad-ass” of the family. Anything wrong was my fault. And I think to myself, what am I going to do when my son runs away? I often put blame on the fact that my father was never around to love me. It was his fault that I was the odd man out. So I think, if I don’t reconcile with my husband, is my son going to hate me for breaking up our small family? Especially since the start of the constant bickering,……was my fault?

“Can we work it out? Can we be a family?
I promise I’ll be better, Mommy I’ll do anything
Can we work it out? Can we be a family?
I promise I’ll be better, Daddy please don’t leave”

When I looked at my parent’s separation filing and there final divorce papers, it was shortly after my birth, so of course I always felt that it was my fault. It was my fault because I was a girl not the boy that he always longed for. They didn’t want me. They were 20 with 1 child and another on the way, any man would run from there. I can’t allow my son to think he’s the reason we’re not working anything out. I’m the one to blame. Me and my husband have our issues, not to be included with that of our son. We both love him unconditionally, but having experienced this song personally, really hits home when I think of the numerous problems me and my husband have.

“In our family portrait, we look pretty happy
Let’s play pretend, let’s act like it comes
naturally
I don’t wanna have to split the holidays
I don’t want two addresses
I don’t want a step-brother anyways
And I don’t want my mom to have to change her
last name

My husband joked that it would be awesome for our son to experience 2 everythings, especially since me and him only had one of everything, since we were both raised by single mothers. But there’s so much to factor. How selfish would it be if we didn’t even TRY to work it out and have our son battle it out between two different households, not including time with the 2 sets of grandparents.

In our family portrait we look pretty happy
We look pretty normal, let’s go back to that
In our family portrait we look pretty happy
Let’s play pretend, act like it goes naturally”

All 3 of us, pose for cameras and act “perfect” but we’re far from it. The mutual love that we share for our son is never going to go away, but we can’t keep pretending that everything is ok.

I decided to write a blog that was a little different, a little more personal than I’m used to, because this “perfect image” that people have of us, is really cramming our style. When we tell mutual friends that we’re having problems they find it so unbelievable. After all, in the eyes of the public, we’re protrayed in one way. Behind closed doors, we’re battling to try and make this relationship work.

I always promised myself that I would not stay in a relationship just for the sake of the kids, I’ve watched enough TV and movies, to know that it doesn’t work. Most times kids use it against you either way and you end up failing because they use it as your weakness. And by all means, I’m not staying in here for my son, but he plays a small role in it.

I love my husband, and when I think of the days that we fell in love, the days in where we got along, and the battles that we have both dealt with in our personal lives (me with my father and him with his health conditions–to be discussed in a later blog) and the struggles we’ve had together (the fire) it all seems worth fighting for in the end. But for right now, like many relationships, we’re not perfect, just living each day one by one.

Until Next Time

NH<3

*Don’t forget to follow me on twitter & facebook

No Love Like Yours

The first day I met you, I thought you were fiiiinnneeeeee!!!!!!

But I didn’t think anything of it, you were taken by one of my close friends, and I had my eye on someone else to,..

The second time we met, I couldn’t keep my eyes off of you. And that’s when you told me to add you on myspace. And I did!

And so the epic journey of Nadyne and Harts begins.

With our significant others being friends, it was only a matter of time before we became close. It was matter of time when our eyes would finally meet and we realize that we were going to be there together forever.

You were always there for me. You were there when family was a problem, when high school was an issue, you were there when I wanted to just be a lazy fuck and live my life at home. You were my best friend when I needed one, you were my mentor when no one was around. You showed me I could be so much more than just a “pretty face.”

And then, everything turned around. When you needed me, and I didn’t turn my back on you. When everyone left you and me and you were the only ones left. It was this moment, that I knew I could never leave you.

We had a secret relationship, a relationship that we soon grew to cherish, and to love. A relationship that soon became more than just two people. But became much more than that, when we both had our beautiful baby Hart!

I knew I loved you, when I saw you face your fear and danced with my mother for the first time.

I knew I loved you, when you looked past all my flaws.

I knew I loved you, the first time you introduced me to your mother.

I knew it was real, the first time we were intimate with each other. When I felt the fire crackers going off with just your touch.

I knew that you would be the man that I married, when my family threatened to move away, but you never once doubted us.

I knew that the love was real when you put that ring on my finger, and promised me forever.

I knew that I could love no other, when you beat the odds and stayed with me even after the big news, I’m 19 and pregnant.

I knew you stole my heart, when we created a home together, from scratch and that no matter what, I would sleep next to you forever.

I knew that my love for you would remain the same when I saw our bundle of joy for the first time, when I saw that my little angel looked like the man that I would love eternally.

I know that no matter the struggles, obstacles, problems, wrong that we do to each other, I know that at the end of the day our love for each other will concur it all.

Because your kisses, your touch, your words, makes everything better. Your patience and understanding and wisdom is worth what we have.

I can’t imagine any other lips on mine, any other fingers intertwined between mine, any other hugs holding me, or any other eyes looking at me the way yours do.

Because though we’re flawed, you will always be the perfect man for me.

I love you with all my hart ❤

❤ Harts, Nadyne and baby Hart ❤

“X” Marks The Spot

When you begin a treasure hunt you always start from the very beginning. You see where “X” is but you have to pass all the obstacles to get thru to reach your “X”

My “X” is a FULL blown family reunion with everyone on my father’s side!

My starting point was that facebook message on Valentine’s Day from my uncle. I don’t know when I’ll reach my destination, but I know I’m not going to give up until I finally get there.

Step 1: Introducing myself to my father                                                                                             [check]

Step 2: Getting to know his mother, my grandmother                                                                 [check]

Step 3: Meeting my half brother and sister for the 1st time                                                          [check]

Step 4: Meet all 4 of my father’s siblings                                                                             [2 out of 4]

Step 5: Meet my cousins. A total of 7 cousins                                                                       [4 out of 7]

Step 6: Bring the family together from NY                                                                                  [check]

Step 7: Meet/speak to my grandfather                                                                              [              ]

Step 8: Bring all 11 kids in THIS generation together                                                         [6 out of 11]

Step 9: Bring all generations together                                                                                    [           ]

“X”: Bring all generations and in-laws together                                                         [           ]

 

Getting to the point of where I am now, was/is not easy. Me and my brother bicker so much, me and my sister have had a little heart to heart, but me and my older sister, I definitely feel the connection that we’ve gotten closer than we have been before.

I met my uncle (not the one that contacted me via facebook) for the first time. I met his daughter, my cousin, too. It didn’t go like I imagined. Like I told you, he was considered the black sheep of the family, and I could partially see why, but I had a blast with him yesterday.

I met my younger cousin as well and his mother. He is the son of my uncle that found me on facebook. I unfortunately still don’t know this uncle, but that’s cuz he lives in Florida and I’m here in grand old New York City. But they were so cool. And my cousin loves the idea of having more cousins too.  

There have been moments that I feel I need to give up. There are times that I have to recollect my thoughts and remind myself that I have to reach “X”. There are times that I have to realize that I am not expected to play God and bring these people together and make everyone get along. There are times that I cry myself to sleep because once I open one door to the family; I realize that there were more skeletons then we realized. And how do you bury something that we have just dug up ourselves?

Maybe I am getting in over my head, because lately, I feel my body and brain just draining. I feel myself ready to give up on my “X”. But I know that I can’t. I have gotten so far to give up now.

In the past 4 months, I felt like I went from 22 to 42 in a blink of an eye, and its crazy to think that someone MY age can or should even be dealing with this. But you know what?

No one ever said getting to “X” would be easy.

Until Next Time

TTYL

Everybody Deserves a Second Chance

In the past 5 days I’ve written 2 blogs that I haven’t made public, for different reasons. 

1) Because I knew that the people I write about would read it and I didn’t want them to take it the wrong way. 

2) It just wasn’t my best work! I felt like I was forcing it more than I should have. 

So I’m going to start a mixture of both those blogs right here, right now! 

All emotions poured into one

Before I officially start, please know that I am FULLY aware of the “controversy” this will cause with my father’s side of the family, but I’m only stating things here that everyone already knows. 

When I reconnected with my father, I didn’t pay any mind to THAT family. Mainly because I didn’t know them, and I really didn’t care TO know them. But being the type of person I am, I quickly got over that, and I grew more and more curious. Turns out my father had 2 half sisters, and they were my aunts. One aunt is 26 years old, and the other one was 23 (my older sister is 23 smh -_-). Talking to my aunt on facebook and talking to THAT side of the family on facebook, really let me learn new things about everyone. 

1)  That my grandfather is a dick (as told per over 90% of that family), 

2) That both my uncles,…in lack of a better word,…really know how to pick em (this also considering I’ve never met them OR my uncles) 

3) This family is just straight up CRAZY! 

It’s a complete domino effect that this family has. They all corrupt each other in one way or another, and they all love to hate each other and hate to love each other. And reading that out loud just confirmed the insanity this family is to each other! And maybe cuz I didn’t grow up in this environment, but I think they ALL have some screws loose in the head, some looser than others, but still loose enough to need to take a vacation from the world. 

Screws in the head

Being the girl that I am, I feel like it’s up to ME to fix them! 

Growing up with my mom and sister, I knew that it was just the three of us forever. My aunt and cousin lived with us too, but my aunt moved around a lot (she’s part of the reasons we even moved to Queens) so it wasn’t FOREVER. Wherever my mom went me and my big sister went. We stayed with our grandparents, but we both knew that it was me and her forever! It was the 3 of us ’til forever. And as much as I hated my mom and sister growing up (seriously though, who DOESN’T hate every member of their family during there “high school” years), I knew that it was just my mom and 

All for one,...

my sister looking out for me, I knew that it was just the 3 of us to fend for ourselves! No one else was going to look out for us. Yeah my aunt loved us, and my grandparents cared for us, and we did anything and everything for our cousin, but it just wasn’t the same unless all three of us were together. And I guess that’s when I realized, that family is the strongest kind of bond you will EVER have.  

So when I started talking to my father and my grandmother, I started to see the “love” that they all had for each other. And I put parentheses over LOVE because; it seems that unless they need each other, there is very minimal type of affection there. Because I am who I am, and I finally understand the concept of family, I want my ENTIRE family together. I want my siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, parents, everyone…to get along! 

WTF did I get myself into? 

It seems that while I’m trying to play God with this family, the real colors are starting to come out and it’s totally clicking to me why half these people don’t get along. But don’t worry, I got this! I will make it work to the best of my ability. 

About a month ago, I invited my aunt to stay with me. Yes the one who is my sister’s age…and finally the day came, that she has arrived to my house with her two kids! And that’s when my entire life kind of just changed! When I saw her and her two kids, I literally saw my mom, my sister and myself. Two kids driving our mother insane!!!!!! And my mom biting her fist to not slap us in public (the good old days were public humiliation actually worked on kids). 

My heart dropped and kind of went out to her. Here I was sweating because I didn’t know how I was going to communicate with someone I have never met, with someone I literally knew nothing about until a few months ago, with someone whom I only had conversations on facebook and they all started and ended the same. Meanwhile she was going to be spending a whole week with my family. What the hell was I thinking? 

After the first two nights, I see how much my aunt and my cousins really need to be here. Here with me, here in New York. I start seeing how much her kids and my son love each other and all that played thru my head was watching me, my sister and cousin growing up together. Knowing that even though our cousin wasn’t our full sister, we would always treat her as she was. The oldest would come up to us, “I don’t want to play with my brother anymore” talking about my son, and my heart broke! I can’t separate these kids. I mean, what are they going to go back to in Florida. Florida is literally a place where people go to retire and live a slow pace life. Florida is a place to escape the city when you’ve had too much of it already. Florida sucks!! And New York is the place to be. 

The next thing I know, I’m in the shower pondering in my head how am I going to rebuild the family I have never met? As I was drying my hair, I looked in the mirror and saw a little bit of my father. My father told me that if he could be with me, he would make sure that all of us would be together. I know that he meant me, my brother, my two sisters and my mother! But the next thing I know, I’m grabbing my husband and telling him “I think she needs to stay in NY.” I couldn’t imagine myself sending her back, to a place where she obviously doesn’t belong! In a place where my son will never see his cousins again! I can’t do it. I refuse to take them to JFK airport and watch them leave to a life, which would do them no good, unless they stayed here in NY. 

I told my aunt, like I told you guys, that the fire was the best thing that happened to our family. It literally allowed me to start fresh and forget about everything that was ever bad. And I told my aunt, that this is an opportunity to give her kids and herself, a fresh start of life. Here in NYC! New school, new friends, new clothes, new appearance, and especially new attitudes. And I think, that even though this is a really hard change for all 3 adults, and all 3 kids, that it by far the best decision we have ever made. In the less than a week we have spent together, you already see progress! I am a strong believer that tough love is the best kind of love. And even if it means leaving everything you have ever known to better yourself and those around you, then so be it. She’s even started blogging,..and I take pride in that 🙂

I think my father would be so proud of the little progress I’m making of welcoming his family into my own! 

Until Next Time 

NH<3