Within a matter of minutes my whole world changed and turned around, and I started to see the positive of everything.
All the decisions in my life are that for my son.

It’s amazing how one decision can alter your life forever isn’t it?

My decision to have sex and have my baby was as life changing as “life changing” can possibly get.

Most girls dream about their dream wedding and wonder how their life would turn out. And since I’m speaking so honestly, I never picture my wedding. Mostly because I always doubted myself when it came to the “perfect man.”

My history of boyfriends was one bad one after another. Whether I wanted to believe it or not, I trapped myself into thinking they were all the “one” and heart break after heart break. I kind of gave up on picturing the perfect future for me.

I always saw myself being a single mom with 3 kids living in a shabby apartment no boyfriend and working off of tips smoking cigarettes to keep me from slapping the kids, who all had different fathers.

Its a pretty fucked up future, but the way I was going, it seemed more than likely to become a reality.

At 19, you don’t really know much about anything. The things you do know, are always half-assed. At 23 you start discovering who you are and who you want to be and how things are going to fall into place. At 30 you picture yourself with a family living in a home away from home with you loved one and a kid or two and maybe a dog.

When I saw the double-lined stick telling me I was pregnant, all I knew was that a baby was coming out of me, and that apparently having one of these is hard. And that when they grow up to be a teenager, they’re supposed to hate you because you’re always telling them what to do.

9 months after the double lines, 2 years 5 months and 6 days later, a grown baby looks before me, and I know that I made the right decision.

No one tells you about the in-between the pregnancy and the teenage “I hate you” years. No one tells you that the transition from nursing to milk to solids is scary. Did you know that there shits get worse and worse after every meal you give them?? No one tells you that you have to TEACH them to crawl, to walk, to laugh, to talk, and to tell you what they want. Teach them? Seriously? I thought it was as easy as get them out, clothe them for a few and send them to school and have the teachers TEACH him all that stuff. Nope! Not at all! I have to do that. I have to sacrafrice all my clothes to the beings of, drool,  split milk, hand stains, boogers, and when the potty training comes in, shit and pee! All my purses have an emergecey wipes, diapers, shirts and pants, and just in case, a toy!

Just the other day, I tried to put my son, niece, nephew to sleep and they all refused to go to sleep, until I read them to sleep!

I thought they learned to read at school, but no!!! There fascination with the small things I take for granted, like going to the bathroom, bathing, reading, writing and even talking,…they adore it so much! And who knew, I was responsible for this all along.

It’s funny how one decision, as peeing on a stick, can alter you whole life style completely.

Until Next Time

NH ❤

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