I’ve been working so much, that lately, a simple picture of me and my son brings me to tears, because I miss him so much.

He is so sarcastic and I love it.

Today being Christmas (or after Christmas depending when I post this) I’m remembering all the things me and my son did together to prepare for the holiday. I took him to see Santa and he surprised me with how smart he was. He made sure to tell me on the train, “Mami, when I’m talking to Santa, you don’t talk to him. I tell him that I wasn Optimus prime and Bumblebee. Not you! Ok!!” He did this with the head bob and finger swag. I laugh at him, because even though he has his daddy’s face, he has my personality. I promised my big boy, that I wouldn’t talk to Santa. I never realized how hard of a task that was going to be, because I wanted to make sure Santa got the right message, but my son, definitely made me proud. I even cried when Santa asked me if he was a good boy. Of course, my smart ass son told him “Don’t talk to my mami.” Haa. But just as a reassurance he also asked Santa, “Santa, if you’re the real Santa, where are your reindeers?” Mind you, I was still tearing from answering Santa’s question, and I was laughing when I heard my son’s. How did this little boy get so smart.

Me and Harts are on good terms when it comes to our son, we talk all the time, in regards to our son. Very rarely we speak of our personal lives, but we know we’re there for each other, but nonetheless, we’re tlaking and we’re explaining our Santa stories. I told him mine, and he told me his. Our son had gone to see Santa by Daddy’s house, and he asked Santa “Why don’t you look like the same Santa I saw with my mami?” Where does this little boy get these thoughts in his head? He is too funny.

Harts agrees though, he is definitely both of our kid. My personality, and his face. Lol.

This little boy has my heart. He IS my heart. Whenever I get home and I see his beautiful face I cry because I missed so much of his day, but I know that he loves and misses me as much as I love and miss him.

Of course, my son got spoiled for Christmas. The tree was full of gifts for him and for my niece, because of course, the holidays are for the kids right? I made sure to get him Optimus Prime and Bumblebee, because my job as Santa Clause is to make sure that he gets rewarded for his nice behavior. The adults always do Secret Santa, and we make sure to go all out for each other because we’re only getting one gift as opposed to a lot for everyone. The adults went first to open gifts, and I got my Sephora makeup kit with matching brushes, which it is what I wanted, cuz I’ve turned into this girly girl I barely recongize sometimes. After the last person went (my sister) the kids started getting there gifts. My son unwraps a present, and my niece unwraps one as well, and then my cousin gives my son a present and my son gives it to me, and the second I saw my son walking towards me with it, my heart melted.

I tried to see who it was for, and he looked at me and said “Silly mami, its for you. Its from your baby.” I hugged him, and kissed him, and honestly I couldn’t help but cry. My son loved me, and wanted to make sure I had something under the tree. The fact that I was on his mind, makes me appreciate his love more than ever. I opened it and it was a shirt. Its the best shirt I will ever own in my closet because my son got it for me. It really threw me off guard to get something from him, and it really threw me off guard that he understood what something from him would mean to me.

It kills me slowly inside everyday that he’s getting so big. I love this little boy so much, that I hate leaving him everyday. But he understand mami has to work. He understands that no one will ever take my love away from him. He understands that I’m his mother. He knows that I’m his and that he’s mine and nothing will change that, and no one will come between us ever.

Being a mother, is the greatest gift of all time. When I was 19, it was scary because I didn’t even understand myself. When I was 20/21 I felt he was holding me back from living my life. And now, at 23, I understand that he wasn’t holding me back, he was allwing me to grow with him, and to appreciate the little things.

He is the smallest person in the world to me, yet he holds the biggest part of my heart all to himself.