People seriously think I’m joking when I say I don’t want anymore kids.

Growing up I always imagine myself with two kids, they would be close at age so they would always have a friend, and I always imagine them with the same father.

I don’t want my kids to have different last names, or different holidays. I don’t want me kids to have 3 separate lives, one with me and one with each one of their other parents.

Prior to my breakup with Harts, I had explained to him that I wanted another kid asap. That if we kept being in this relationship without another kid before our son got too old, or he got too sick, I would resent him for that. And unfortunately, the tables got turned and I didn’t have another kid with him.

Truth is, that I don’t want to have 10 different baby daddys out there. I don’t want to have to share my children. Its selfish for me to think that, but so be it. I hate having to share my baby with Harts, but I do it because my son needs his father.

I’m not ready to have to share my affection with another child. I don’t want to have to split my adoration for my children depending on the days of the week that I get them. I refuse to do it.

This topic came up with my friends on fb because I was asking if I should keep my married last name, go to my maiden name, or hypenate.

My husband has a very typical, common spanish last name. And up until the day I signed my marriage license I never wanted to get rid of my last name. I always wanted it to be our last names together. I only agreed to take my husbands last name because I had already signed the birth certificate under my husband’s last name, and I wanted to have the same last name as my son. I always saw it in the eyes of when my son went to school I would always be referred to as Mrs. Whatever my son’s last name was. And instead of correcting them, it would be true that me and him had the same name.

Let me make this as clear as possible, I DID NOT TAKE MY HUSBAND’S NAME BECAUSE OF MY HUSBAND. I took my husband’s name because that is what we agreed we would name our son. Our entire marriage I still kept my last name, but only to friends. I met a lot of people who used my maiden name and forgot my married name, and I met equally as many people who never knew my maiden name.

But everyone is saying, “what happens when I have more kids.” I don’t want anymore kids.

Everyone says that I’m still young and I’ll change my mind. That ill want more kids when I’m older, or when my son is older. Truthfully, I’m not planning for anymore kids, if they come my way they will. But you bet your ass I am taking careful precaution to make sure I don’t have anymore. There are plently of people, my mother-in-law for one, who are very content in their lives with just one child. I still have my nieces and nephews that will always play a main factor in my life. But only my son has my heart.

Harts gave me the ok to change my son’s last name, so once I do that, I will legally change my name as well. As far as any future “kids”, I’ve learned my lesson, no matter how good the guy, or how good the sex, or how loyal or good of a father he is, my future “kids” will get hyphenated last names as well.

Oh,… I mentioned a few blogs ago, I’m not getting married again either. I do believe that I will love again, but love enough that I will legally marry you and hope for the best, nope not for me. So my name will stay my name forever more, and all my future “kids” will have my last name with whatever their father’s last name would be. After my experience with Harts, I’m not backing down as easily as I backed down with Harts.

Hopefully next time, I will no longer be “his”