The hardest thing about being single, is the being alone part. I was never actually any good at the “being alone” part. I was always with a boyfriend, or a group of girlfriends, I was never “alone.” My dating a guy consisted of hanging out after school and getting home before curfew.

Even when I had first started dating Harts, I would have to be home by curfew, or hang out after school. It was later in our relationship, that time didn’t seem to matter. When I was becoming an adult and paying my own bills.

The truth is, I never really “dated” that many guys. I was a child that craved the attention of the opposite sex.

Which gets me to the point of this blog.

How do I word this without sounding like the “blogging slut”?

Uhmm,…I like sex,…

But just because I like  sex, that doesn’t mean that I have sex with every one I cross paths with. I am very vocal and opinionated  about what I like and don’t like. And I guess I bought it upon myself, for people to assume that I have like a billion sexual partners.

I went on Formspring (which is a site in where anonymous people ask you dum questions that they would never have the balls to ask you to your face) and one of the questions I got was “How many sexual partners have you had and don’t estimate and say a lot. What’s the actual number?” My response to that was “Wow! Someone is being nosy, I’m not going to give you a number, but it’s not as many as you may think.”

One thing is that my sex life is not anyone’s business, but I don’t mind talking about it. Sex doesn’t define, nor is it who I am, I just like it. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to sleep with every Tom, Dick and Harry that comes my way.

I want to explain something before I continue. When I was younger, BEFORE Harts, I dated/slept/messed around with a few guys. My problem was that, all/most of the guys knew each other. And if you think girls gossip,…guys are 10 times worst. Because not only do they gossip, they lie about that shit too. So eventually I got a reputation as the girl who slept around. My flirtatious habits didn’t help either. So it’s not like I ever tried to redeem my name, but I didn’t stop the rumors from going around either.

And this is the part, where I say, I wish I had at least tried to redeem my name.

Since me and Harts split up, I have had a lot of guys (from my past) hit on me, and talk very disrespectful to me. It seems like a guy doesn’t want to be friends with a girl unless he is getting something out of it. A guy doesn’t want to date a girl, without the expectation of sex. A guy can’t hold a normal conversation with a girl, without a perverted comment/statement “accidentally” coming out. Maybe it’s just me and my wonderful reputation, but I don’t sleep around.

Sex is a big deal to me.

Being in a relationship for so long, has made me value the idea of communication and of understanding. Sex between me and Harts was great, but that was because we had the mental, emotional and physical communication with each other. And I want my next sexual encounter to be the same way.

Sex to me is more than just the act of a man and a woman together and the penatration of it. Sex is more than the sheets wrinkling beneath out bodies. Sex is more than just toes curling and nails digging in his back. Amazing sex to me, goes beyond what my eyes can see, but what my heart can feel.

If I wanted to have sex, I could.  I could call my number of guy friends, and just fuck them. But that doesn’t mean that the sex will be good. I can have sex with whom ever I want, and it will never feel the same. It will never be as good, because the only thing that is there, is the pshyical attraction.

I have grown since my many years of “sex is for fun” phase, but there are plenty of people out there nowadays who just prefer the quickies or the hit it and quit it phases. I’m not one of those people. So if you call me at 4am expecting a booty call, you’re not getting one from me.

I’m stuck in the shadow of my adolescence but that doesn’t mean that I have to go backwards and live that life anymore.

Until Next Time

NH<3

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