I would be completely wrong if I said I was an unselfish person. To say that I always did things with others on my mind! I’m sorry! But that’s not me. That’s not the person I am.

But wait,…..Don’t call me a hypocrite just yet.

Everything I do or say is always to benefit me in some way. Since I became a mother, it became 80/20 about me. The 20% being me. Everything I did, I did for my son, but not without selfish intentions. I mean why shouldn’t I?

I was born into this world, by myself.

As a baby, when something bothered me (such as an empty belly, dirty diaper etc) I screamed until I got what I wanted. When I die, I’m leaving this earth by myself. I know that I’m not the person I am today because I’ve only always thought about myself, but I have always put myself 1st.

Friends have come, friends have gone. They’ve left their footprints but the only person that has ever stayed consistent in any type of relationship with me, is me! I will always be around for myself. Come on, even my husband, the person whom devoted his life to me, thru sickness and in health, even HE has become an inconsistency.

I am NOT perfect. I am not claiming that I am. But if I don’t worry about ME, than who will? If I can’t love myself, worry about myself, “do me” than who ever will?

I don’t put expectations on people to try and make me happy, because no one will ever fill MY shoes.

This is the reason I don’t stress out about random bull shit. This is the reason I am going to live a better life than most. All the drama, all the bull shit, I rise above it all. I look at the finish line, and the finish line is me being happy.

When I get angry, I laugh it off! When others are upset, I catch my breath and talk it out! Getting angry isn’t worth it. What about “getting even?”. Nope, not for me. Why? Because in the end of the day, that’s not helping ME out.

All the anger, all the stress, is gonna be the death of people in NYC. We get so angry over everything, whether it’s the MTA fucking us over, or the tourist are walking to slow, or even the fact that there is too much snow outside. Why get angry over things that you can’t even change? Why use up all your energy on shit that isn’t even worth it? Do you really think the MTA gives 2 flying shits about you being late for work? You think your boss cares that its the trains fault? You think the tourist care if you got places to be? No! And why not? Because in the end of the day, its only ME!

Me vs. the world.

This is a battle, I plan on winning.

I came into this world alone, I will leave this world alone. I have made many friendships, and will meet many more. I have crossed path with some awesome people and some not some awesome people. I have had experiences in my life time that I will never take back. My life has been nothing but a true adventure. Some people may love me, others not so much, but I was put on this earth to make ME and those around ME happy.

I try to impose my selfish mentally to others, and sometimes it works.

I miss my best friend like crazy. She lives out in Georgia. She was honestly thinking of not going, but I convinced her she only has one life to live, and she picked up and moved to Georgia. My selfish act on that one? I can go down South and have a place to crash 🙂

It has its ups and downs, but so does everything else in life. I have realized that I neglect some of my closest friends, expecting them to always be there for me. But when I come to terms with that, I try my best to be there for them. As one of my selfish acts, I am there for them, because I can count on them to always be here for me.

Until Next Time

NH<3

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