Little by little the world is starting to come to terms with me begin single.

Whether its my friends who all of a sudden wanna hang out all the time.

Or my family, who is accepting the fact that I’m single.

Or maybe even my son, who is finally putting the pieces together that mami/daddy are no longer together.

While it may have been heart breaking at first to realize that for the first time in 6 years, I was going to be ALONE, it is quite possibly the best decision me and Harts did.

Now don’t get me wrong, I still love him.

Before we dated he was my best friend, I went to him for everything. I gave him my heart and everything in between. We started a family together, and we had 2 homes that we build from the ground up (not literally). And he gave me the greatest, biggest, most wonderful gift anyone can give me, and that’s OUR son. OUR son is my world. And for that, I will never be able to thank him enough.

But you know how you could have all the love in the world for someone, and still feel that you’re not right for each other? That was us. We loved each other, but in our case, love wasn’t enough to keep us together. We tried,..oh boy did we try! But it wasn’t working. Like I said before, we were not the “perfect couple” we had our issues just like all other couples, but we always knew how to work them out, even if it was just temporary.

Eventually, it became too much to handle for the both of us. And now, we’re not together!

At first I was miserable. I thought my life was over. But each day, it grew easier and easier to come to terms with all my emotions that I was feeling. To come to terms with the fact that we wouldn’t be together. I knew in my heart, that this is what was meant to happen. The way I look at it, it’s better that it happened now, while we’re both still young, still attractive, and still have the rest of our lives ahead of us. Our future doesn’t end at this very moment.

Me and Harts are always going to have that special bond that no one can take away from us, and that’s our son. So if we happen to find love somewhere else, than that’s great! If we fall back in love with each other, great! But for right now, I’m going to do me.

The point of this blog wasn’t to tell you how happy I am without Harts. It was more of the epiphany I had.


I was talking to one of my friends, and I’m very vague about why we broke up (mainly because it’s no one’s business), and he asked me “At least you can find love again, and be happy with the next person you marry.”

When he said that, I realized, I don’t ever plan on getting married again. They always say, “don’t knock it ’til you try it.” Well I tried it, and I’m knocking it.

Hear me out.

When we first got together, and began dating everything was perfect. We still had our issues, but we both knew what we were getting ourselves into. We were both still individuals but a couple as well. And while I had some major flaws, he felt that he could be the one guy to change me. My mistake, was thinking that he could be the one guy to change me too. That’s where I fucked up. Part of me wishes I figured it out before it was too late, before somebody got hurt. 😦

For a while being married, worked, but then I started realizing that I was happy being me. But being me, wasn’t ready for a relationship. At this point it was too late, cuz I was married. We tried to make it work, but marriage isn’t for me.

Once you live with someone, everything changes. You start seeing the good, the bad, and the ugly of a person. And I guess I just wasn’t ready for that. But than I also started realizing, that I don’t think marriage will ever be for me. I don’t think I can be 100% happy living with someone and letting them control my life.

I miss the cold nights where I had an automatic person to cuddle with, I miss being able to kiss someone goodnight, or good morning. I do miss being in a relationship, but more for the companion.
And again, I realized, that just because I wanted a companion doesn’t mean I want a life long partner.

I never thought I’d be the person to marry multiple times. I always figured I’d marry once and that’s it. And I’m sticking to it.

I got married, it was a great run, but I can’t see myself doing it again!

I can’t see myself committed to being with just one person for the rest of my life.

I used to imagine myself with Harts forever, but now that I see how quickly a marriage can end, I don’t want to have to go thru this break up and heart ache again.

Until Next Time

NH<3

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