So many changes. So many obstacles. How is one person to handle it all?

I dropped out of high school at the age of 18. I waited to officially do it, because I knew my mom would never approve of a high school drop out.

Freshmen year, I was a B student. Showed up on time, did all my homework, participated in all classroom activities. AND, I had an amazing boyfriend who supported me thru everything.

That summer, me and my boyfriend broke up (cuz he’s a duche) and we tried to remain friends. When school started up I felt lonely because he wasn’t with me. That month would’ve marked our year together, but we weren’t together. He seemed like he got over me, he started dating girls right in front of me, he was flirting and making new friends on a daily basis, and I wanted to be the girl he ran back to when he was done acting like an idiot. In order for me to do that, I had to be around him all the time. I started noticing that our schedule conflicted with the time I would get to see him, so I started to adjust my schedule to be with him. It started coming to the point that I would only go to class once a day, and that was when attendance mattered.

When I saw that he got into a relationship with one of my friends in the circle of friends that we had, that shit hurt so much! I was really sure that we would get back together and try to make it work, but after this, I wasn’t to sure I could forgive him. In the population of 3,000 students in our school, he had to pick her. I started oversleeping and purposely not coming to school. And then,…..I met a guy.

He was older then me, not by much! He was a friend of one of my other ex-boyfriends, we began a friendship online, constantly talking thru instant messenger (IM) and one day during school hours, we decided to meet for the first time. He was a senior when I was a sophomore, so that was already a big plus over the boyfriend that started dating one of my friends. We had an instant bond and clicked right away, and he became my boyfriend. But since we didn’t go to the same school, and would rarely hang out in the samelocation, we had to meet up during our own time. And most of the time, that wad during school hours. We dated for about 6 months and would see each other every Tuesday, Thursday and Friday. That only left Monday and Wednesday for me to go to school, but not to go to classes. I would flaunt my relationship with an older guy from a different school, to my friends hoping to make my ex jealous. But I truly felt like I was over him, kind of, sort of.

Me and my older boyfriend broke up, because he was going to college out of state and it wouldn’t be fair to ask a 15/16 year old me to wait for him. So I didn’t. I tried to do right by my junior year. I was unattached, and over my exes, and I just wanted to get school overwith. But the classrooms, the teachers, my peers, it made it really hard to focus. And then,….I met a guy.

He was older then me, and really special to me. We started as friends, but feelings grew, and we finally became official. He was 8 years older then me. I’ve never had a “mature” boyfriend before, so this was very exciting. I had to act a certain way in order for him not to think he made a mistake dating a 17 year old me. Because he worked and didn’t go to school, in order to spend time with him, it had to be on his terms. He worked evenings, so I had to see him during the day. And during the day I had school. So of course the cycle began all over again, that I would miss classes to see him. And those classes, turned to days, those days turned to weeks, those weeks turned to months, and before I knew it, the summer was fast approaching, and I barely made it past this year.

That was the summer I turned 18, and I was openly dating my now husband too. My credits in school only left me to be a lower junior, upper sophomore. And if I wanted to finish and get my high school diploma, I would be out of school by the time I was 20. And I knew myself, there was no way I was going to school. I tried night school, I tried summer school, I tried everything. I passed it all, I passed my test, I passed the quizzes, I passed the regents, it was just my attendance that was lacking. I didn’t want to be a 20 year old senior in a high school that I hated.

So why not transfer you ask? Well, since my grades weren’t good enough, the only place that would accept me would be my zone school, which was up the block. And I didn’t want to go there because,..

1) They were considered NYC top 20 worst schools.
2) There was a 25% graduation rate
3) Since it was up the block from my house, I wouldn’t get a metrocard to go see my boyfriend

So I did what I thought was right. I dropped out!

School just wasn’t for me.

I went straight to work, had an awesome job, awesome pay. Everything was awesome. And I didn’t even need an education. And then, I found out I was pregnant.

19 and pregnant. With no education and a job that could satisfy me, but not pay the bills without some struggle. What was I supposed to do?

Thru my job I got some connections, and I found another job. A better paying job, with a consistent schedule and definitely allowed me to branch out of the norm.

No education, and still making it by.

My son started daycare, and he’s learning new things everyday. If my son could learn why can’t I? What type of influence am I going to be to my son when he decides he wants to cut school and drop out of high school? I don’t want him to use it against me that I never got an education, and I know he’s going to throw it in my face. Why? Because I did it to my mother. Afterall, he is MY son. If I’m not against doing it, then I know it’ll get thrown in my face.

In my attempts to find another job, or anything to better myself, the requirements were “High School Diploma or GED” and I never had either. I could lie on my resume and get all these things I tried for, but what pleasure would that bring for me? I would still get paid the minimum for my position because I had no college background or degree. While I knew I was smart or better than that, that degree counts. So now what?

I started school to get my GED,  on Monday, and the class is a big class. The teacher is a snotty, the hours are long, and all that information, is old news to me.

It has been 6 years since I last sat at a classroom, but this time,…it’s different. This time? I have no distractions. This time, I’m doing it for me, and for my son. I’m doing this to better my future. So as bored as I am, as tired and lazy as I am, I’m doing this for me and my future.

Until Next Time

NH<3

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