My heart is so broken right now.


You would think that out of everything that has happened in my life,….

*The fire that took my house and changed my life *Finding my long lost father and rediscovering my identity *Losing one of my best friends to childish games *Or falling off my bike and effeing up my legs and having difficulties walking for a week plus

….that what is breaking my heart now, wouldn’t be anything of importance.

Nothing that has happened to me, can make me feel the way I feel right now. Nothing can make my heart break as much as it’s breaking right now!

If I’ve said it once I have said it a million times over. 2010 has bought so many good things to our life that I can’t complain about anything! 2010 has changed my life in ways that I never could have imagine and I am 100% grateful for every moment of my life…except,… son!

In about 2 weeks, it would have been 3 years since I found out I was pregnant. That day, changed my life forever! It took me a long time to accept the fact that I was going to be a mom! But when he finally came into this world, I knew that this is what I was supposed to be feeling all along.

Thru the weeks and months of him being born, I saw him growing and gaining his personality and becoming a little man. I cried at his first shower, I cried the first time he ate solids, the first time he held his bottle, when I stopped nursing! Basically I cried thru my entire journey watching my son growing up! He’s only 2 years old and I already want him to stop growing. He just amazes me so much as each days goes by. His vocabulary has improved so much, he’s able to fully understand me and communicate with me. He does his chores as needed, he catches his little attitudes and knows when he’s being out of line. I’ve experienced him from tiptoeing, to walking, to limping, to jogging, to running to jumping everywhere.

Omg, I’m crying as I write this because I am realizing what a big boy I have. Just the other day we gave him a hair cut and he was so calm on the barber chair, like if he was a pro. I saw him sitting there and just got a flash forward of the barber shaping up his beard! I am NOT looking forward to him growing up! I want him to be my baby forever. I want my kisses to always heal his boo-boos. I want him to always run to me when he wants or needs something. And I know I’m being selfish for always wanting this, but he’s my baby and I want him to stay my forever precious baby.


Why am I bringing all of this up? Why is my heart breaking? I seem like such a proud mama, that I should be excited to have my baby growing up. Well,…..I’m not.

I have been one of those fortunate mothers that my son actually does not sleep with me in my bed. He has his own crib in his own room, where he can destroy the room as he pleases. He has always had his own room so it shouldn’t hurt that much what today was. My son actually cannot sleep with me, he doesn’t like me in his space, which is why he has always been able to sleep in his own crib. He gets distracted sleeping in the same room as us, which is why he has always had his own room as well!!

I know, I’m dragging this longer than I should be!

But today,….my baby boy got his first big boy bed. Well a toddler bed. We got rid of his crib, and he is sleeping in a bed right now. Like a little man!


My husband and I tried to enforce a favorite to my son. We gave him a bunch of movies to watch and a bunch of toys but he loves the disney movie “CARS” so everything in his room is CARS. He has CARS sticker on his wall, a CARS carpet, he has CARS pj’s and CARS linen, CARS toys, you get the point. Everything is CARS in his room. Now,..including his big boy bed. It’s in the shape of a car.

When the car first came into his room, he paid it no mind. When it was assembled and put into place he thought it was freaking cool. When he found out that he would be sleeping in it, he thought it was depressing. He wanted nothing to do with this THING in his room. Nap time comes around and he tries to look for his crib, but it’s gone! There’s no more crib, so he tries to come to my bed! No, he can’t sleep here. So,…we do what we can! We try to make this seem like the most entertaining bed ever. We start riding the car, and entering thru all the entrances (the doors, the sun roof and windows) and showing him that he can jump on the bed, and now,….he loves the bed, he wants us to get away from “MINE BED.”

now nap time, he sleeps calmly with his Teddy in his arms and his Cars “bank-ette” covering him. He wakes up and wants us to carry him out of bed, until he realizes that he can get on and come off as he wishes.

Bed time comes around, and we do our routine. We go to the potty just to make sure there’s no peepee left in him. We brush our teeth, we change into our pajamas, we drink some warm milk, we say goodnight to Daddy whose in the other room working on his laptop, we snuggle into our bed, we find Teddy. We kiss Teddy goodnight, we kiss each other goodnight. “I love you daddy” he yells loud enough for daddy to hear, “I love you mami” he tells me and gives me ten kisses and laughs at each kiss I give him back. “I love you teddy, goodnight” and he gives his Teddy a kiss. I tuck him in and kiss his little forehead, and he reminds me to turn off the light. I go into the next room and I realize that a tear has just gone my cheek.

Omg my little boy is a little man!!

An hour into us putting him to bed, I hear him laughing! Oh no! My son is not ready for a big boy bed,..I need his crib back. I go into his room to check on him, and he’s talking to Teddy about the new bed. I told him he had to go back to sleep. “Sorry mami. I love you. Goodnight” He quickly turns on his side and covers his cute little face to go back to “sleep.” I go to my room grab my phone so I could post a picture of him “sleeping” in his big boy bed,….”Cheese” I hear him say after he heard my camera click, and we both laugh at the same time.

I am so nervous, me and my husband both realize that once he fully understands that he can get out of that bed alone, we will be having many many MANY visits by a little boy to our bed!! And while I may get annoyed at the thought of being woken up, I know that deep down, I’m super excited that my little man still wants to be his mama’s baby boy!

I don’t want to him to grow up, but I know that no matter what,  I can’t stop that. This is just the beginning of the journey!


Ok, I must stop crying now. Ughhh where’s a tissue when you need one?

The first night was a success of my baby boy sleeping. He didn’t wake up once! In the morning he woke up at around 6:30 and kind of laid in bed. He heard me wake up, I tried to sneak into the bathroom, so I can shower. As I get out of the shower, I dress up, brush my teeth do all my bathroom duties, and all of a sudden hear him calling  me.  “Big boy go to sleep.” He hears me say, his response “OK mami.” As I wake my husband up to say goodbye to him, I see a pantless little boy at my door, “Mami, I want a kiss.” I couldn’t help but laugh. I picked him up and I gave him the biggest kiss in the world. He hugged me and pointed to my bed, so I put him on my side of the bed and tuck him in. “No mami, you bed. Mine bed der” pointing to his room. My husband tells me to leave, as he picks up our big angel up and puts him on the floor in his room. My son runs his little legs to his bed and tucks himself in. “Bye mami, I love you.” “I love you too big boy.” And then I hear him pretending to snore, as I walk out of my house.

First day complete,…now,..

The rest of his life 😦