Ouch! Fuck! HOLY FUCKEN SHIT THIS SHIT HURTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


That’s me!!

I fell off my bike on Monday. And that bitch hurt like a mofo! I’ve been limping for the last couple of days, and I started realizing that the more people I saw, the more I would have to repeat the same story over and over again! So I figured,…you bitches could leave me alone and just READ MY BLOG,..And get the full uncensored version of why my legs hurt.

As a little girl, I never learned how to ride a bike. We had a hand me down bikes. Mine was red and my sister’s blue! They were really busted; to the point that the bike was too big for me and the training wheels were crooked. Thinking about it, I think they were meant for boys. So I never really learned. I went on that bike twice I think, and I fell each time, and I swore that I would never go back on it. I don’t remember if my sister learned how to ride the bike, but I was terrified so I refused to learn. (If you ask anyone in my family, I was such a scaredy cat, EVERYTHING scared me, so to be on a crooked, red, boy bike was a huge no-no for me)

When I started dating my now husband, his mom had a billion bikes in her house, so he taught me how to ride a bike. But it was only a one day deal. I’m sitting on the bike and he’s holding on to the back of the seat for me and leading me, and he lets go, and I stay up!!! I thought I was pretty good for a first timer (the times I fell didn’t count) and we rode for about 2 hours, and this time, I didn’t get scared. I rode to Chelsea Piers and I even ripped my pants. But I didn’t care. It was a really relaxed feeling I had this day.

Our anniversary lands in April, and my WONDERFUL husband decides to surprise me with bikes. We’ve always wanted to get one, but we were always scared to spend TOO much money. So we finally said, “Hey, let’s just do it.”

His argument to me, “Why join a gym when you could be spending less overall riding bikes?” Which I totally agree with him. I’m one of those people that I want to lose weight so bad but I’m too lazy to actually LOOSE the weight! With the bikes, I’m exercising AND getting around, so it really works out.

Fast forward to May 17, 2010 at around 7pm. I had gotten home from work, and I was sooo tired. We had worked out for a TOTAL of 12 hours this past weekend alone, my muscles were sore and I just wanted to sleep. I was really lazy and I told my husband that I just wanted to stay in bed and sleep. I didn’t want to work out today! But obviously THAT didn’t happen.

Oh! Wait, before I get too ahead of myself, let me explain something. I live in Queens! And Queens is VERY hilly. I know that’s not a word but it’s the only way I know how to explain it. Queens is retarded with there blocks. On one side you have one LONG block on the other side it gets divided to 3 small blocks. You could drive and try looking for 100th road. And you see 100th ct, 100th st, 100th ave, 100th dr, all on the same block. Yeah that’s how retarded it is. But worst of all, you have the one way two-ways street. Which are roads that should only be one way roads but are divided into two-ways either way! Ughh whatever!! Going OFF topic!!! Back to the hills, as you go up the retarded streets, its a lot of hills. Which is extremely fun to go down them, but it is hard as hell to go up it. So you guys already know I have very minimal biking experience prior to the purchase of these bikes, but my husband is trying to teach me to ride like a pro. I’ve been biking every day, I have mastered going up the hill, and I have even gotten less nervous going down the hill. We go to a nearby track, and I practice standing. Apparently standing on a bike makes you go faster and really helps! So I’m practicing all this shit. And as we head home, we decide to take a different route. The reason we try different paths is because your body becomes so used to going down a certain way, you’re not really challenging your muscles (which is why you shouldn’t exercise just one part of your body).

As I’m going up this hill, I’m standing. Wow! The husband was right, this ISeasier. Hmm will the same thing happen if I go downhill???

I’m going downhill now. Now mind you, I’ve been training myself so I could learn how to maneuver going up and down hills, and all of a sudden, in front of me,..i see a gate. I see that the gate is open enough for me to get thru but not big enough to get a car thru. Why am I getting nervous? I could do this. Ok, so if I lean forward, I go faster.

Oh shit!

Too fast, too fast!!

Slow down!!!

Press the breaks.

No! Not the front ones. You’ll go flying, press the back ones.

Wait?!? Which one is the back break.

Holy shit!

WTF just happened?


Cover your face, my glasses!!!

I could have made that

Shit, did I stop flying?

OMG,…am I on fire???

My husband catches up to me, askes me if I’m ok. And the shock of it really shocked me,…I was so frozen and next thing I knew I was crying. He gets down on the floor with me and all I see is that tights had been ripped. He went to pick me up and assured me I was fine, it was just the shock of the fall that had me crying. He grabbed my wrist and I cried again,…my wrist hurt so much! But I had to tough it out. I walked around and my body hurt so much. I was limping but I had to tough it out. I was just a few blocks from home.

I had to go downhill to get home but instead of going as fast as I HAVE been going in the past,..I now have to keep my hands on the break!!! The left hand this time,…that one leads to the back wheel!!! My husband kept asking me if I was ok,…and I wish I couldve said yes and actually meant it,…but my knees felt like they were on fire!! They were burning so much, but I didn’t see any blood, I didn’t feel like I had broken anything, why so much pain.

As I get home and off my bike, the more and more painful it became to walk. I took off my pants and I saw blood on my knees and a bruise forming on my right arm. My left palm was bleeding and my feet were swollen. My lower back was killing me.
~sigh,…I’m such a hot mess! I get the tub ready and I start soaking myself in hot water to hopefully calm my injuries and while it worked, I could barely bend my legs to get OUT of the tub. I could barely put my pants on. and to make everything worse, I couldn’t even more my arm (hands yes, thank god! What would I do without fb?) I went to bed and woke up the next day to get to work, and I was in the worst pain ever. My husband had 2 dress me and it took me forever to climb up and down any steps. A normal 6 minute walk to the train station took me 17 minutes to do, this is NOT including the walk UP the stairs. I walk into my office and all my coworkers are wondering wth happened to me!

I explain them the story and I could barely laugh without it hurting. I was so delayed in work because there was unable to move or do anything for myself.

As the days went by, the bruising is getting greener instead of bluer. My knees are still swollen, but I’m able to walk faster. If you’ve been keeping up with my status then you’d see how my walking has improved! But my co-workers still make fun of me, but now I make fun of myself too. I am still in massive pain though.

So now!!! Stop asking me why I’m limping!!!!!! Cuz now,….u know

And just to make matters worse,…as I was ready to post this blog,…….I stubbed my toe,….FML


NH ❤
PS- One of my friends helped me out with the title!! ily AMP 😉